Sky-dying

I had just gotten off the phone with Dumebi for the third time that Saturday night. He had convinced me several times to be at the steering committee meeting on Monday which I had politely refused. I still felt exhausted from the long project we just concluded at GR Systems. With two weeks of my vacation yet to be utilized, I couldn't but turn down his request for me to show-up at 'this crucial meeting' as he had put it. I laughed again as I saw...

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With love from Mollusca

I held my bible and began to declare powerfully. "It’s not of him that willeth, nor of him that runneth ...” I picked up my Biology book and began to read from the beginning. Exam was in a few hours and the thought of it was a terror on its own. I fetched a bucket half-full with cold water and dipped my 2 legs in them. I could feel the cold tingle run through the nerves in my limbs. It was definitely, the best therapy for a productive reading experience. It was now dark outside. I started reading the Nomenclature of Plants and Animals. The words...

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Black Beauty (short story)

Tonight was the night!  No dulling it. I wouldn't miss it for the world...because even the world would be watching anyways. I always got dramatic when those Barca boys had a match to play as it was never a moment to miss. I dashed off to Haruna's where I was sure a crowd would be watching the Finals with a company of bottles amidst pointless shouts and rants. Haruna's shop wasn't only the best for barbing but a meeting point for conc. soccer fanatics cum area boys which was my motivation this particular night. The arguments were always fun...

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Black Beauty

Oh the bliss... Oh the splendour... what exhilarating joy, for my new found love. She's tall and tender, silky and soft, though criticized for her many evils, to me, she's nothing but a black beauty. My former love was okay too, short, hard and tough, yet shiny and humble, I spoke of  my new ebony to all my friends, shrugging and hissing, they ignored my rants, all falling to the fierceness of the barbers' blade, ripping off their black strands of grace, But No! I shall object! no such cruelty...to my black beauty. So I ran off to the place...

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Mikey-leaks

News reaching us from our quarters has confirmed a latest release in the series of diplomatic cables suspected to have been sent via an undisclosed source @ moi frequency. Shocking facts were released and we'll like you to have a peak in to the latest of findings.  ENJOY! (A lil conversation)(CONFIDENTIAL!!!) My conscience: dude you really don't have to do this! Me: what? I just want to tell them something about Val's day. Conscience: dude..seriously its like almost 12 midnight,whats the point? Me: just a message now, ill try to make...

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Santa Akpos...Christmas Speciale!

Santa Akpos! Santa Jand: Hey we running outa schedule, gotta have all the gifts delivered by tonight. Apparently 4 of the reindeers are still missing for no good reason. (deep laugh)Ho ho ho ho. Santa Claus likes prompt delivery. Ho ho ho ho Santa Akpos: This one never hala. E be like sey you neva know as e dey go for my zones. Santa Jand: Hey watchu mean homie? Ho ho ho ho. (Beep Beep) Santa Akpos: First of all stop that your nonsense laugh. Santa...

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Patrick Part 3

Before you read this, see > Patrick Part 1  |   Patrick Part 2 I was already weary from the race and I didn't even get to the finish line. arrgh...I can't even remember why I was running. The sun was seriously smiling at my own expense and I could only be more grateful for the little breeze that was blowing. Started feeling hungry too. Yes! now I remember, I missed my bestest buddy Patrick. Something started moving on my face...then I paused...Oh no! This isn't happening. I'd seen this happen in movies before. Slowly I started...

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Patrick Part 2

If you missed Part 1, read it here first: Patrick Pt 1 "Ahhh! What a relief!" The nurse said I was free to go as the doctor signed my discharge papers. I wonder how I got here in the first place. "Have a great day Mr. Okafor", she said as I walked away. I smiled in a silly manner at my stupidity when she recounted  all the stunts I pulled while I was there. She even mentioned that one Patrick was always disturbing me every time but thank goodness I wasn't with him again. As I took a walk down the busy road and I got to the bus-stop, I started...

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Patrick

This nite, it seemed all the mosquitoes seemed to want to say something to me but I just remained insensitive to their annoying buzzing sound. I was now wide awake as I looked at the snoring fellow beside me in the tiny room we slept. Patrick was just a lazy pant as far as I was concerned but he seemed to have a way with people especially when it concerned matters of politics. His views were stupidly absurd. A week ago, the idiot organized a garageful of touts and  convinced them that Obama needed to be removed from office. They chanted solidarity...

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Proverbs Parody

A collection of seriously funny proverbs... No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. Crowded elevator smells different to midgets Judge not a man by his clothes, but by his wife's clothes. - Thomas R. Dewar Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic. Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else. - Will Rogers Having children is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain. - Martin Mull...

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