Tuesday, September 28, 2010

No-Nonsense! - Independence Edition

Twas such a quiet afternoon in Molete.Business wasn't so favourable for Madam Bisi on this particular day but she still had her customers, say like 3 stopped-by every hour. Nite time was the hit when the Okada elites and Danfo moguls came to have a fill of her catfish peppersoup they called 'Point and Kill'.
Point and Kill was everyone's favourite but it had caused Bassey (her waiter boy) a broken tooth the previous week. He had supposedly served it to the wrong person while the original owner had waited almost an hour. As if that wasn't enough, Bassey had brought 4 cold pure water sachets and dropped it in Suberu's front which was actually ordered by a different table.

Suberu had reportedly gotten furious and given Bassey a backhand slap on the chest which had ensued in a fight leading to Bassey's missing tooth. Thanks to Baba No-Nonsense that came to his rescue but by his arrival Suberu had fled.

Well, the afternoon was calm and one of her customers was leaving after downing Madam's sweet rice and pomo with 2 sachets of purewater. You would think he just ate at Chicken Republic as he bounced off with a toothpick in his mouth.

Shortly after, Madam Bisi had rushed off to buy catfish for the nite at the market while her new attendant took over the shop's affairs.

The afternoon was about to get interesting...

As she left, one okada had parked in front of her shop. The young man had gotten down and supposedly ordered for food. "Wosss...gimme rice, wan meat and wan beans...put 2 pure water", he had told the attendant.

2 minutes later, Madam Bisi entered, she had 4gotten her purse...her fat physique had blocked the little sun rays illuminating the canteen. And suddenly she shouted, "ehn ehn...na you abi!!! You get mind come chop for hia!"

She swayed gallantly as she moved towards him, backward forces counteracting her forward motion towards him. The stunned man stood with a chunk of Pomo in his mouth wondering who she was referring to even though he was the only one eating there at the moment. As he tried to mutter some words, she had by this time raised her right hand and "TWAI!" The slap landed on his left cheek while the pomo made its way in the opposite direction. This was Newton's 3rd law in practical.

"Madam....no be..." he stammered, TWAI!!! ...Yet another slap from the 'fat one' as he tried to compose some letters out of his mouth. By this time a small gathering had formed outside her shop as she dragged him out.

"NO-NONSENSE!!!, I don catch am", Madam Bisi bellowed at the top of her voice. "Madam... no be..." TWAI!! TWAI!!! 2 rounds of slaps followed again as he tried to justify his innocence. Madam Bisi clutched tightly to his worn-out shirt as she screamed and returned gifts of slaps each time he tried to speak. "NO-NONSENSE!!!", she bellowed again as she called out to the owner of the name.

Suddenly a short man in a dirty white flowing Agbada ran out from one of the shops. "Baba No-Nonsense don show!", one boy had screamed from his spare-parts shop.

Then the crowd hailed in unison, "NO NONSENSE!!". He was celebrated and they jeered him on as he approached with velocity.

The wind blew his large flowing attire as he ran towards the scene with arms spread out. It was only a little more momentum he needed and he would have taken-off like a plane.
It was almost like the scene in Mission Impossible 4 (a Togolese version with 2 midgets as the hit stars).

In sharp speed, Baba No-Nonsense had lifted the young man off the ground...if only the young man knew, he would have fasted on this fateful day.

"Na you comot my Madam boy teeth abi? I go arrange you today!", Baba No-nonsense had said, granting him privilege of knowing what he did.

Baba No-Nonsense wasn't really a fan of slaps, so he engaged the punch therapy. The thin young man had now regained his balance and stood face-to-face with Baba No-Nonsense, hands blocking his precious face. Taking a defensive stance, he tried stammering out the few words he could but the blows seemed to assert themselves more than his stammer. No-Nonsense as his name implied didnt take any nonsense. Himself and Madam Bisi could make super-heroes anyday. They were the Dynamic Duo.

Then suddenly, a man emerged from the crowd shouting, "Ha! Monsuru...happen?!!!", he asked as he looked down at the perplexed creature on the ground. He looked exactly like the person who was being dealt with.

Alas! It was Suberu!

By now the battered young man in self defense had screamed out, stammering seriously with tears in his eyes..."na na na...ma...MY TWIN BROTHER...!"

Then it dawned on the dynamic duo...

They had just beaten up Suberu's twin brother, Monsuru.

In a flash, Baba No-Nonsense flew up in shock, his white make-shift parachute now covered in dust and chanting something the only the crowd seemed to understand, started running towards Suberu with crazy speed. Suberu took off...The crowd followed...Madam Bisi wasn't left out...Market women left their goods and joined the race...Suberu was done for!

The rest is history...