Saturday, February 9, 2013


I had just gotten off the phone with Dumebi for the third time that Saturday night. He had convinced me several times to be at the steering committee meeting on Monday which I had politely refused. I still felt exhausted from the long project we just concluded at GR Systems. With two weeks of my vacation yet to be utilized, I couldn't but turn down his request for me to show-up at 'this crucial meeting' as he had put it.

I laughed again as I saw Dumebi's text few minutes later. It read: 'Just make sure d fun u're substituting for this juicy meeting is worth it *smiley*'. I cringed at the thought of having two whole weeks away from what I loved to do at work.

Hours later, I was scouring through various webpages on my PC using search terms such as 'best vacation spots in Nigeria', 'relaxation centers in

Africa' and many more. Few clicks and many more open tabs later, I was even more confused. Too many poorly advertised  relaxation spots, some without websites or means of contacting them to make inquiries.

I eliminated each browser tab one by one, doing a mental cost vs benefit analysis of each vacation spot I came across before finally narrowing down to a few pages.

The phone rang. It was Sope. My heart raced.

"Richieeee!", she screamed excitedly.

"Sopsy baby, I owe you a million calls and more"

"Don't baby me jare, you just fashied my side abi", came the voice from the other end.

"Sopsy, how now, no be so o, how your side?"

"I'm good dearie, guess what...I'm coming to Abuja tomorrow night!"

"Are you kidding?! Wow!"

I clenched my fist in excitement. Sope and I had been very good friends since secondary school and surprisingly after she relocated, we still kept in touch regularly. She was the spontaneous type as opposed to my reserved and calculated self and I always cherished her company as she always had something up the sleeves.
Back in school, she was my 'wing-woman' and a day never went by without her picking on me and trying to drag me out of my comfort to do crazy things.

"Sope, my vacation starts Monday...and you're coming Sunday should see the horses galloping in my heart right now"

"Seriously, I wish I could reschedule my flight to be in Abuja right now...was thinking of going to Dubai initially...Richie it's really a cool place"

"I've been thinking within Africa, isn't Dubai too far? just thinking cuz you know..." She cut in.

"Richie, you've worked hard this year, you need somewhere different from where you're used to"...She continued, "Do something different, maybe go to a nice island and rent a beach house for a week, or something crazy like skydiving...or..."

I burst out in a loud hysterical laughter. I could hear her on the other end trying to get my attention but the thought of her suggestion was just too hilarious to process in my head.

"Sky-what! Oginni?...Sope that was a very nice suggestion but No! thank you."

I could imagine her smile on the other end. She continued...

"Richie, how many places outside Nigeria have you visited?"


"For the 3G Summit, that kept you whining about the intense boredom?"


"Your departmental training?"

"Well, I was in the US for a week"

"Yeah right...All work related, Richie. You need a genuine break that is out of the usual"

At this point, I started realizing the truth in her statement. I needed a real break. I really did.
Few minutes later, I had made up my mind. Dubai was the spot and skydiving was the sport.

Sope arrived Abuja on Sunday and we booked our flight tickets to Dubai for Wednesday.
A few hours of internet research later revealed that Dubai had one of the most beautiful skydiving dropzones in the world located at the base of the Palm Jumeirah, an island with an outline shaped like a palm tree when viewed from a high altitude.

We picked 'Skydive Dubai' as our preferred dropzone and booked a time for Thursday afternoon. Sope was almost choking with excitement when the e-mail confirmation came in. I was silent in thoughts.

We arrived there on Thursday as scheduled with our light clothing, food pack, water as we prepared for the drop of our lives. I never imagined I'd do this in my lifetime.
I held my back pack tighter as we went through the preliminary training sessions. The instructor, an average height American, talked about the various diving options available. He explained 'The Tandem', 'Accelerated Freefall' and other freestyle jump options. As I watched him talk, all I could see was a daring figure who just delighted in taking pointless risks.

Sope did the question-asking all the time as I was calmer with thoughts racing through my mind.
I tried to reason..."Who was the first man to sky-dive? How did he know the gravity up there can make you float for some seconds? Who even invented parachutes? How did he test it?

"First timer?", the instructor asked, piercing through my thoughts.
"Yea, not a biggie anyways...I'll be fine." I laughed deeply as rivulets of sweat trickled down my spine.

One hour later, the training was complete. I was told I'd be attached to an instructor with a 'harness' which would strap both of us on various pressure points of the jump suit we would later be given to wear. Sope had opted for the 'Accelerated Free Fall' which would require two instructors during the free fall with more hours of training as she would be responsible for releasing and guiding her parachute in mid-air when the time was appropriate. This girl was too daring, I thought. I proceeded towards the lift-off zone.

Sope escorted me until we got to a point where the sign read 'Only Skydivers allowed beyond this point'. We took pictures and said our goodbyes.

Thirty-something minutes later, we had reached an altitude of 20,000 feet in a small charter plane where I would later drop from. My heart skipped two beats, beat three faster and slowly completed a fourth. In few minutes, I would be diving over the most beautiful dropzones in the world. Dubai was awesome I thought this time. The thought vanished quickly as I heard my instructor's deeply excited "Are you ready mate?!"

Those words cut deep within me. It was like asking, "Are you ready to die?" or "Are you set to break your bones". I let the thoughts go again. This time my heart was as if it would jump out of my chest and stay in the plane, laughing at me as I plunged towards the sucking force of gravity.

"Don't forget to enjoy yourself and remember it all happens in a minute", he said as we prepared to make the jump. The door of the plane slid open and I felt a violent rush of wind fill the cabin. Final checks were done on the emergency parachute and One...Two...Three...Ready?...Bam! Out we flew!

For the first time in my life, I saw the world from a different perspective.
The view from the top, the thrust of the wind as we pierced through gravity, the feeling of undertaking this daring task and most of all the memories it would leave for a long time.

I mocked the world from up there screaming my lungs out as we dashed at mind-blazing speed towards the ground. My instructor had asked earlier before take-off if I wanted him to perform some air manoevres like minor flips, downward spiral and other stunts. I wish I had accepted the options.

For few seconds in flight, we assumed a flat position parallel to the ground with arms spread out. He gave the signal, did a twist  and...Flip! The parachute was out.

I would later know that my screams of 'Chimo!' 'Awana me' and 'Woohoo!' were almost impossible to hear.

I would later know that Sope did not book any jump for herself but had set me up to enjoy this daring feat alone.

I would later learn a vital lesson that all it took to enjoy the time of your life...sometimes...was to take that bold step...or rather, make that bold jump!

Saturday, July 2, 2011

With love from Mollusca

I held my bible and began to declare powerfully.

"It’s not of him that willeth, nor of him that runneth ...”

I picked up my Biology book and began to read from the beginning. Exam was in a few hours and the thought of it was a terror on its own.

I fetched a bucket half-full with cold water and dipped my 2 legs in them. I could feel the cold tingle run through the nerves in my limbs. It was definitely, the best therapy for a productive reading experience.
It was now dark outside.

I started reading the Nomenclature of Plants and Animals.

The words on the pages seemed to convolute in blurry forms. The breeze gently wheezed through the curtains as they lifted the fabric in a swirly lock, loosening it again as it landed back gently at intervals as the soft pillow caressed my skin.
There she was again, for the 3rd time this night, Phyllum Chordata in her dashing looks. She preferred I called her Chordie.

She cooed softly into my ears as the symphony of the wheezing breeze lifted us off the ground. Through the clouds we sailed into the land of Mollusca.
Ooooh Mollusca was a beauty. Her long hair just like Mrs Eze’s our headmistress. We worked through the gardens as they unwound into an unending array of beautiful flowers.
I would later know that Chordie was Mollusca's assistant.
Suddenly we reached the Valley of Animalia. Oh it was grand. The waterfall terminated into a rush of converging waves beneath which some peaceful creatures skipped across with splendour.
Then the moment came.
I looked into Mollusca’s eyes. My goodness! She had become more beautiful since the last few seconds.

I slid down on the carpet grass with one knee and brought out a ring carved out of the bark of a Mahogany.

Immediately I felt us being teleported into a stream. Hanging above us were papyrus leaves which Mollusca later convinced me into eating. They were good tasting stuff.
I jokingly described how instead we used the leaves to make paper in a place I couldn’t really remember. I chewed gladly and munched another round of the leaves.

Then our eyes met. Ooooh Molusca.

I blinked.

She blinked also.

I summoned courage and leaned forward to seal our marriage with a kiss.

But all of a sudden...TWAI!

The slap teleported me into 2 worlds between Pandora and Disneyland. I got stuck in between. Where was I?

As I struggled to free myself from the mental burden, I saw a big hand from heaven again. TWAI!

Then I was brought to another world I could closely relate with. It was strange though.
But before I could decipher, a 3rd slap transported me straight into the consciousness of my room.

I would later know that the 3 slaps were from Fregene my roommate and that the Papyrus leaves were actually pages from my Biology note.

How I ended up on the floor with the bucket on my head is still a mystery till today.

ALERT: Don't forget to VOTE FOR US OOO.
@ moi frequency is the name...2 awards.

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Black Beauty (short story)

Tonight was the night! 
No dulling it. I wouldn't miss it for the world...because even the world would be watching anyways. I always got dramatic when those Barca boys had a match to play as it was never a moment to miss. I dashed off to Haruna's where I was sure a crowd would be watching the Finals with a company of bottles amidst pointless shouts and rants. Haruna's shop wasn't only the best for barbing but a meeting point for conc. soccer fanatics cum area boys which was my motivation this particular night. The arguments were always fun when only the mouths were talking and not bottles on heads.

In 15 minutes I was there but...Damn! All seats taken. Nonsense!

Aha!...Lightbulb...That lovely revolving chair in front of the small TV was my only craving. It never happens just like that and it was the best spot if I wanted to enjoy the game.
I walked in through the sliding glass door and hailed my goons in their Barca regalia. I was thrilled by the hearty cheers in response but that didn't earn me the seat anyways. 

I immediately beckoned to Haruna for a haircut which in no time got me sitting not just in the comfy furniture but directly in front of the blessing called a TV. I had been grooming my Afro for months now and a trim wouldn't hurt at least to get me the hot-seat for the next 60 mins left in the game.

"ZZZWOOOOOOMMMMMM..." the hum of his blade began. 

Both eyes glued on the TV as we watched Messi our striker dazzle the opponents mercilessly with graceful step-overs. He feinted as if to pass the ball to the left…BUT! …Oh my! In a flash, Marvelous Messi brought it back with his instep to the right, the opponent sliding away in a disgraceful manner on thick grass.
“ZZZWOOOOOOMMMMM…” the blade hummed aimlessly above my head as Haruna was lost in amazement.
We all burst out in applause and the moment of truth came as Messi pulled off an impossible shot in front of the goal. It sailed past the 1st defender…2nd…3rd…and the goalkeeper…and….

“ZZWEEUM!” Haruna ripped off a large chunk of my hair. 

GOOOALLLLLL! The whole barber shop was in uproar.

I screamed my epiglottis out! But their shout of victory drowned my shout of despair.
Months of Afro grooming gone in seconds!

I looked furiously at Haruna screaming. The idiot screamed back joyfully giving me a bear hug.
I was mad! I sat back in to the chair and broke into beauty was gone and the goal was no help in consoling me. Abi dis boy dey mad? I thought within me.
Then the idiot dug deeper!...reaching the desert layer. You would have called it an 'inverse mohawk'.
In a flash I jumped up and by now he could feel the fire in my eyes.

Making up my mind on the component to displace with punches on his tribal-marked face, he then asked the most ridiculous question ever...
"Oga whish hairstyle, Lowcut or Gorimapa?"

I fainted.

Monday, March 28, 2011

Black Beauty

Oh the bliss...
Oh the splendour...
what exhilarating joy,
for my new found love.
She's tall and tender, silky and soft,
though criticized for her many evils,
to me, she's nothing but a black beauty.

My former love was okay too,
short, hard and tough, yet shiny and humble,
I spoke of  my new ebony to all my friends,
shrugging and hissing, they ignored my rants,
all falling to the fierceness of the barbers' blade,
ripping off their black strands of grace,
But No! I shall object!
no such my black beauty.

So I ran off to the place of temptation,
me and my beauty awaiting our fate at the mirror...
Then...the punisher arrived!
wielding his magic evil blade,
"A trim", I mumbled amidst the hums of his contraption,
Softly patting my beauty, I grumbled with jealousy,
I relaxed with ease, trusting his expertise,
he spoke of his many escapades,
this indeed was the 'Lord of the Scalps'.

Feeling comfy, I drifted asleep,
hoping to wake up to my trimmed beauty,
she begged me to stay by her,
as he performed his sterile ritual,
but I assured her all was well.

Then the sound of the blade began,
inciting the beggining of our bliss,
Then he dug deep, ripping off a sufficient mass of hair,
you would have called it an 'inverse mohawk',
I screamed my epiglottis out!
no wonder the vulture hates the barber...
Then he dug deeper!...reaching the desert layer,
I broke into beauty was gone,
gone with the blade, what will my friends say?
Then he asked the most ridiculous question ever...
"Oga whish hairstyle, Lowcut or Gorimapa?"
I fainted.

Monday, February 14, 2011


News reaching us from our quarters has confirmed a latest release in the series of diplomatic cables suspected to have been sent via an undisclosed source @ moi frequency. Shocking facts were released and we'll like you to have a peak in to the latest of findings.  ENJOY!

(A lil conversation)(CONFIDENTIAL!!!)
My conscience: dude you really don't have to do this!

Me: what? I just want to tell them something about Val's day.

Conscience: dude..seriously its like almost 12 midnight,whats the point?

Me: just a message now, ill try to make it sound nice though not too mushy

Conscience: you really have to do this shey? you're so stubborn...wait is this all for the likes?

Me: C'mon, though they'll like it, that's not the aim.

Conscience: You're stubborn you know?

Me: Whatever man, so I'm saying it o...very soon.

Conscience: On a second thought, what if they don't like it, or someone even installs an app that hates comments. And they hate it?

Me: Oh boy eh! hmm...Omo I'm not risking telling them Happy Valentine's Day...Lai Lai! Its a cliche already.

Conscience: My point exactly!

Me: Well I'm sure they know I love them so much and will never stop writing for them. Never!

Conscience: You dare not!

Me: Well I'll just paste our conversation on the blog.

Conscience: DUDE! SERIOUSLY! what did you just say?

Me: (whistling Barney's 'I love you' song)
(off to dreamland!)

Friday, December 24, 2010

Santa Akpos...Christmas Speciale!

Santa Akpos!
Santa Jand: Hey we running outa schedule, gotta have all the gifts delivered by tonight.
Apparently 4 of the reindeers are still missing for no good reason. (deep laugh)Ho ho ho ho. Santa Claus likes prompt delivery. Ho ho ho ho

Santa Akpos: This one never hala. E be like sey you neva know as e dey go for my zones.

Santa Jand: Hey watchu mean homie? Ho ho ho ho.

(Beep Beep)

Santa Akpos: First of all stop that your nonsense laugh.

Santa Jand: Ok but you know no one frowns here, its againt the Santa code of conduct and whats with that beeping sound.

(beep beep)

Santa Akpos: Omo guy, this year I no wan fall Bros Claus hand again.

Santa Jand: Ho ho ho ho...don't know why I did that...and you were saying?

Santa Akpos: No be your fault, because una get chimney wey you fit climb down deliver your own abi? For my side, Mama Nkechi for don use am dey fry Christmas meat. Chimney...Hahahaha. U neva hala!

(Beep Beep)

Santa Jand: But you still haven't explained the beep sound.

Santa Akpos: Kai, where I go start from...Last year, I suffer no be small.
you no sey Claus talk sey make we fly with the Reindeers for sky with the carriage of presents.
Na so I park for Warri junction to buy Poly bag wey I go use pack the presents...

Santa Jand: Uhh...Oh you mean a Polythene bag? Ho ho ho ho.

Santa Akpos: Mtcheew this one neva no anything...So as I buy am finish, na so I see sey dey don move the Reindeers. 4 of them fiam!

(Beep beep)

Na so I gather courage con dey waka. As I reach junction, I con see some boys dey show for my direction. I con do Mission Impossible jump enter bike, as I no sey the gifts plenty die.
As I reach busstop, na so bikeman ask for money. I con give am blowm-blowm for him pikin. If you see the wicked eye im use look me. A whole Santa Akpos!

Santa Jand: Um...Ok can you like skip to the end mate cuz we seriously like outta time dude. Ho ho ho ho(deep baritone laugh).

Santa Akpos: E no go better for person wey do you like dis o.

So as I give am the blom-blom, na so e tear me slap. As e tear me slap so, na so I see the 3 wise men.

Kai! dem no send sey I be Father Christmas.

(beep Beep)

Santa Jand: Wow! I'll never have anything to do with such a cruel place mehn! Ho ho ho ho.

Santa Akpos: Hahahahahahahahaha!(rolls on the floor and laughs his ass out)

Santa Jand: Hey homes, what's so funny? Ho ho ho ho

Santa Akpos: This one don crase o. You never shek your mail ni? Santa Claus talk sey this year na me dey go your side, but you dey go Naija.

Na so I con buy this tracker (beep beep) for you because e no sure sey you go return. So if them kidnap you, we go fit locate the place, con negotiate with them.

Santa Jand: WHAT!!!!!???? I'm doomed (Faints)

Santa Akpos: HO HO HO HO! I no know sey this laughter dey sweet o.


Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Patrick Part 3

Before you read this, see > Patrick Part 1  |   Patrick Part 2

I was already weary from the race and I didn't even get to the finish line. arrgh...I can't even remember why I was running.

The sun was seriously smiling at my own expense and I could only be more grateful for the little breeze that was blowing.

Started feeling hungry too. Yes! now I remember, I missed my bestest buddy Patrick.

Something started moving on my face...then I paused...Oh no! This isn't happening. I'd seen this happen in movies before.

Slowly I started lifting my left hand. Have to be careful now so I don't scare it off. Then it stopped...and moved again!
Patience can go to blazes for all I care.
TWAI! I slammed my left hand on the left cheek. All I could see was plenty sweat on my palm...wait...that can't be all. I suspect that idiot smiling in the toothpaste advert I saw in the TV shop I just passed.

It's either him or I'm going crazy...If you say I am going gaga, then it takes one to know one. All these foolish people...mtcheew.

I headed back towards the long road again, giggling as I recalled the events of the day as those idiots tried to rob me of my medal. Stupid man in white...mtcheew! 
Lets hope we don't meet men in black. Hahahaha! I laughed at my joke. That was classic men.

All I need right now is Patrick and I would be fine but in the absence of that, I'll never ever...

 a voice bellowed from behind me. More of that thing started moving again on my face.I'll attend to that later.

I turned my back in fear on the spot wondering who this Oracle of Ice was, that had the power to freeze me.


I burst out in laughter at the sight. First it was a man in white robe chasing me, now its a mumu in black outfit as I earlier joked. Hahahaha!
I guess the next after this would be an idiot in Orange Agbada trying to catch me.

FREEZE! he screamed again holding a gun and then the man in white showed up behind him pointing in my direction. Fear gripped me at this point. He was actually summoning the god of Ice. Then I screamed back, "UNFREEZE!" hoping that it would defrost the oncoming ice.

"You have to be patient with him", I heard the man on white tell the man on black.

"Your silly tricks won't get me" I thought to myself. Then, flashbacks of Patrick started flooding my memory.
The happy and the sad times we had, the long but interesting arguments, the moments we shared, ...would it all come to an end this way.
No wonder Segun Arinze didn't feature in Lord of the Rings...Why come this far to now give up?

The two men started coming towards me slowly in a tiptoeing manner, then I copied their movement in the backward direction smiling joyfully. Then the mumu in black messed up...he quickened his pace...and off I ran!

Two hot chases in one day...this a'int fun anymore.
I ran as fast as my legs could carry me. I could literally feel the back of my legs touching my nape.
Then I got the shocker of my life-
                                                    we should be careful what we wish for in life-

                               Cuz right ahead of me I spotted a man in Orange outfit!- looking in my direction.
At the same time the men chasing me behind started screaming "Yellow Fever, Yellow Fever" and he started moving towards me.
BANG! The sound of a gun went off. I was numb...My eyes started fading slowly and SLAM! On the ground...
Everything went black.


Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Patrick Part 2

If you missed Part 1, read it here first: Patrick Pt 1

"Ahhh! What a relief!" The nurse said I was free to go as the doctor signed my discharge papers. I wonder how I got here in the first place. "Have a great day Mr. Okafor", she said as I walked away.
I smiled in a silly manner at my stupidity when she recounted  all the stunts I pulled while I was there. She even mentioned that one Patrick was always disturbing me every time but thank goodness I wasn't with him again.

As I took a walk down the busy road and I got to the bus-stop, I started feeling strange.
I wondered how this LASTMA guy could be so dumb while conducting traffic. Couldn't he see the big boat coming. Now it has to go through the Atlantic Ocean. "Mtcheew", I hissed as I thought to myself.
 "WAIT A MINUTE! Where's Patrick!!??", I yelled. I immediately ran across the busy road and suddenly started hearing car-screeching noises behind me as I reached the other side. I looked back and saw smoke rising from the accident that just occured after I crossed without looking and they blamed the bomb blast on me. Why?
I smiled at the infuriated driver and said "Na 'MEND' do am o, no be me", laughing as he blabbed all the way.

I was having fun with my silly self.
By the way, I forgot to tell you that the nurse that discharged me was in a showglass I saw in a fashion shop  when I sneaked out of the hospital. She looked elegant and sassy in a stiff pose as she stared at me.

"Mr Okafor, wait!!!", I heard a loud scream behind me as I saw a man dressed in white overall with a stethoscope and the real-life version of the nurse running towards my direction.
Wow! I never even knew the Lagos Half Marathon would start this early, so I took to my heels.
"Na me go carry first!", I screamed back at them as I ran with speed and alacrity with one shoe on my left leg and a slipper on the right.
"Please Stoooppp, you haven't been discharged!", they kept yelling.
Hahahahahaha, they want to deceive me from my medal. I'm smarter than that. Fashola won the marathon last time and I'm not going to let that happen again.

I ran as fast as I could, while my other opponents kept yelling behind me.

Then all of a sudden, I remembered Patrick. How could I do this to him? We quarelled a lot but I shouldn't have left him without telling him about the race. Then I stopped...Looked at the sky...looked down and turned back.
My opponents also stopped abruptly as if they were amazed at something I couldn't figure out.
Patrick was all that was on my mind and I was determined to go back to get him.

"Mr Okafor please calm down, we are here to help you", both of them said.
I could only care less so I started running towards them. They ran for their lives! screaming "WERE!" which I got to know means madman in English.
Hahahaha...this global warming issue has to be tackled I thought, as I ran with speed to fetch my one and only friend, Patrick.

<< Back to previous post (Patrick Part 1)


Monday, October 18, 2010


This nite, it seemed all the mosquitoes seemed to want to say something to me but I just remained insensitive to their annoying buzzing sound. I was now wide awake as I looked at the snoring fellow beside me in the tiny room we slept. Patrick was just a lazy pant as far as I was concerned but he seemed to have a way with people especially when it concerned matters of politics. His views were stupidly absurd.

A week ago, the idiot organized a garageful of touts and  convinced them that Obama needed to be removed from office. They chanted solidarity as I also foolishly joined them, doing the famous Gandhi walk on Lagos-Ibadan expressway and chanting "No more Obama!". Now it has landed us where we are.
Now come down to football, he was just extreme and lousy. The other day he bought this jersey with 'C.Ronado Lomo' written on it and argued that Man.U was considering using it next season.Anyway his fellow idiots countered him saying it was actually Man City and that Man City was the city where the all Man.United players came from.

Had I known I should have stood my ground the previous nite as we argued all through cuz I was 100% sure it was Beyonce that proposed to Aki and Pawpaw and not Genevieve. I'm sure you didn't even know that. I stared at Patrick in the face and shouted him down saying "Beyonceee!!!".

I stared at Patrick again wondering what to do with him. I just felt like giving him a dirty heavy slap on the chest for winning the argument last nite. Both of us had formed a bond since the past week and though my bed was small, I was glad to share it with him.

Call me partial but I feel I would pick IBB as my running mate for Councillorship next month. That Obama guy is not up to the task.
What am I even saying?
The name written beside my bed reads Clifford Okafor but I know my name at least, the name's James...James Bond.

I was still wondering why they strapped me to this bed and why the psychiatric nurse refused my kind food offer when I pointed my Dunlop slippers towards her and asked with a serious look, "You go chop?".
I also wonder why she kept reminding me that Patrick was my pillow.
I demand a rent and I seriously can't put up with this guy any longer. He gets to change shirts everyday and always customized ones with 'Ajangbadi Psychiatric Home' written on it. That's just unfair!
All I know is this civil war has to end quick and I wonder why that mosquito keeps staring at me.

@ moi frequency...Watch out for Patrick Part 2 (Hospital Break)
Have a great day...Enjoy!


Thursday, October 14, 2010

Proverbs Parody

A collection of seriously funny proverbs...

No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

Crowded elevator smells different to midgets

Judge not a man by his clothes, but by his wife's clothes.
- Thomas R. Dewar

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
- Will Rogers

Having children is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.
- Martin Mull

You cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
- Author Unknown

It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.
- Robert Benchley

If they could figure out a way to channel my anger, they could solve the energy crisis.
- Woody Allen

A conclusion is simply the place where someone got tired of thinking.

The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because generally they are the same people.
- Gilbert Chesterton

The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it. (I love this one)

Now check out this Yoruba proverb:
Bí abá so òkò sójà ará ilé eni ní bá;

* Translation: He who throws a stone in the market will hit his relative
(Trust me, if he aims really well, it won't)

Wishing you a nyce day! @ moi frequency *wink*