Saturday, July 2, 2011

With love from Mollusca

I held my bible and began to declare powerfully.

"It’s not of him that willeth, nor of him that runneth ...”

I picked up my Biology book and began to read from the beginning. Exam was in a few hours and the thought of it was a terror on its own.

I fetched a bucket half-full with cold water and dipped my 2 legs in them. I could feel the cold tingle run through the nerves in my limbs. It was definitely, the best therapy for a productive reading experience.
It was now dark outside.

I started reading the Nomenclature of Plants and Animals.

The words on the pages seemed to convolute in blurry forms. The breeze gently wheezed through the curtains as they lifted the fabric in a swirly lock, loosening it again as it landed back gently at intervals as the soft pillow caressed my skin.
There she was again, for the 3rd time this night, Phyllum Chordata in her dashing looks. She preferred I called her Chordie.

She cooed softly into my ears as the symphony of the wheezing breeze lifted us off the ground. Through the clouds we sailed into the land of Mollusca.
Ooooh Mollusca was a beauty. Her long hair just like Mrs Eze’s our headmistress. We worked through the gardens as they unwound into an unending array of beautiful flowers.
I would later know that Chordie was Mollusca's assistant.
Suddenly we reached the Valley of Animalia. Oh it was grand. The waterfall terminated into a rush of converging waves beneath which some peaceful creatures skipped across with splendour.
Then the moment came.
I looked into Mollusca’s eyes. My goodness! She had become more beautiful since the last few seconds.

I slid down on the carpet grass with one knee and brought out a ring carved out of the bark of a Mahogany.

Immediately I felt us being teleported into a stream. Hanging above us were papyrus leaves which Mollusca later convinced me into eating. They were good tasting stuff.
I jokingly described how instead we used the leaves to make paper in a place I couldn’t really remember. I chewed gladly and munched another round of the leaves.

Then our eyes met. Ooooh Molusca.

I blinked.

She blinked also.

I summoned courage and leaned forward to seal our marriage with a kiss.

But all of a sudden...TWAI!

The slap teleported me into 2 worlds between Pandora and Disneyland. I got stuck in between. Where was I?

As I struggled to free myself from the mental burden, I saw a big hand from heaven again. TWAI!

Then I was brought to another world I could closely relate with. It was strange though.
But before I could decipher, a 3rd slap transported me straight into the consciousness of my room.

I would later know that the 3 slaps were from Fregene my roommate and that the Papyrus leaves were actually pages from my Biology note.

How I ended up on the floor with the bucket on my head is still a mystery till today.

ALERT: Don't forget to VOTE FOR US OOO.
@ moi frequency is the name...2 awards.

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Black Beauty (short story)

Tonight was the night! 
No dulling it. I wouldn't miss it for the world...because even the world would be watching anyways. I always got dramatic when those Barca boys had a match to play as it was never a moment to miss. I dashed off to Haruna's where I was sure a crowd would be watching the Finals with a company of bottles amidst pointless shouts and rants. Haruna's shop wasn't only the best for barbing but a meeting point for conc. soccer fanatics cum area boys which was my motivation this particular night. The arguments were always fun when only the mouths were talking and not bottles on heads.

In 15 minutes I was there but...Damn! All seats taken. Nonsense!

Aha!...Lightbulb...That lovely revolving chair in front of the small TV was my only craving. It never happens just like that and it was the best spot if I wanted to enjoy the game.
I walked in through the sliding glass door and hailed my goons in their Barca regalia. I was thrilled by the hearty cheers in response but that didn't earn me the seat anyways. 

I immediately beckoned to Haruna for a haircut which in no time got me sitting not just in the comfy furniture but directly in front of the blessing called a TV. I had been grooming my Afro for months now and a trim wouldn't hurt at least to get me the hot-seat for the next 60 mins left in the game.

"ZZZWOOOOOOMMMMMM..." the hum of his blade began. 

Both eyes glued on the TV as we watched Messi our striker dazzle the opponents mercilessly with graceful step-overs. He feinted as if to pass the ball to the left…BUT! …Oh my! In a flash, Marvelous Messi brought it back with his instep to the right, the opponent sliding away in a disgraceful manner on thick grass.
“ZZZWOOOOOOMMMMM…” the blade hummed aimlessly above my head as Haruna was lost in amazement.
We all burst out in applause and the moment of truth came as Messi pulled off an impossible shot in front of the goal. It sailed past the 1st defender…2nd…3rd…and the goalkeeper…and….

“ZZWEEUM!” Haruna ripped off a large chunk of my hair. 

GOOOALLLLLL! The whole barber shop was in uproar.

I screamed my epiglottis out! But their shout of victory drowned my shout of despair.
Months of Afro grooming gone in seconds!

I looked furiously at Haruna screaming. The idiot screamed back joyfully giving me a bear hug.
I was mad! I sat back in to the chair and broke into beauty was gone and the goal was no help in consoling me. Abi dis boy dey mad? I thought within me.
Then the idiot dug deeper!...reaching the desert layer. You would have called it an 'inverse mohawk'.
In a flash I jumped up and by now he could feel the fire in my eyes.

Making up my mind on the component to displace with punches on his tribal-marked face, he then asked the most ridiculous question ever...
"Oga whish hairstyle, Lowcut or Gorimapa?"

I fainted.

Monday, March 28, 2011

Black Beauty

Oh the bliss...
Oh the splendour...
what exhilarating joy,
for my new found love.
She's tall and tender, silky and soft,
though criticized for her many evils,
to me, she's nothing but a black beauty.

My former love was okay too,
short, hard and tough, yet shiny and humble,
I spoke of  my new ebony to all my friends,
shrugging and hissing, they ignored my rants,
all falling to the fierceness of the barbers' blade,
ripping off their black strands of grace,
But No! I shall object!
no such my black beauty.

So I ran off to the place of temptation,
me and my beauty awaiting our fate at the mirror...
Then...the punisher arrived!
wielding his magic evil blade,
"A trim", I mumbled amidst the hums of his contraption,
Softly patting my beauty, I grumbled with jealousy,
I relaxed with ease, trusting his expertise,
he spoke of his many escapades,
this indeed was the 'Lord of the Scalps'.

Feeling comfy, I drifted asleep,
hoping to wake up to my trimmed beauty,
she begged me to stay by her,
as he performed his sterile ritual,
but I assured her all was well.

Then the sound of the blade began,
inciting the beggining of our bliss,
Then he dug deep, ripping off a sufficient mass of hair,
you would have called it an 'inverse mohawk',
I screamed my epiglottis out!
no wonder the vulture hates the barber...
Then he dug deeper!...reaching the desert layer,
I broke into beauty was gone,
gone with the blade, what will my friends say?
Then he asked the most ridiculous question ever...
"Oga whish hairstyle, Lowcut or Gorimapa?"
I fainted.

Monday, February 14, 2011


News reaching us from our quarters has confirmed a latest release in the series of diplomatic cables suspected to have been sent via an undisclosed source @ moi frequency. Shocking facts were released and we'll like you to have a peak in to the latest of findings.  ENJOY!

(A lil conversation)(CONFIDENTIAL!!!)
My conscience: dude you really don't have to do this!

Me: what? I just want to tell them something about Val's day.

Conscience: dude..seriously its like almost 12 midnight,whats the point?

Me: just a message now, ill try to make it sound nice though not too mushy

Conscience: you really have to do this shey? you're so stubborn...wait is this all for the likes?

Me: C'mon, though they'll like it, that's not the aim.

Conscience: You're stubborn you know?

Me: Whatever man, so I'm saying it o...very soon.

Conscience: On a second thought, what if they don't like it, or someone even installs an app that hates comments. And they hate it?

Me: Oh boy eh! hmm...Omo I'm not risking telling them Happy Valentine's Day...Lai Lai! Its a cliche already.

Conscience: My point exactly!

Me: Well I'm sure they know I love them so much and will never stop writing for them. Never!

Conscience: You dare not!

Me: Well I'll just paste our conversation on the blog.

Conscience: DUDE! SERIOUSLY! what did you just say?

Me: (whistling Barney's 'I love you' song)
(off to dreamland!)