Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Patrick Part 2

If you missed Part 1, read it here first: Patrick Pt 1

"Ahhh! What a relief!" The nurse said I was free to go as the doctor signed my discharge papers. I wonder how I got here in the first place. "Have a great day Mr. Okafor", she said as I walked away.
I smiled in a silly manner at my stupidity when she recounted  all the stunts I pulled while I was there. She even mentioned that one Patrick was always disturbing me every time but thank goodness I wasn't with him again.

As I took a walk down the busy road and I got to the bus-stop, I started feeling strange.
I wondered how this LASTMA guy could be so dumb while conducting traffic. Couldn't he see the big boat coming. Now it has to go through the Atlantic Ocean. "Mtcheew", I hissed as I thought to myself.
 "WAIT A MINUTE! Where's Patrick!!??", I yelled. I immediately ran across the busy road and suddenly started hearing car-screeching noises behind me as I reached the other side. I looked back and saw smoke rising from the accident that just occured after I crossed without looking and they blamed the bomb blast on me. Why?
I smiled at the infuriated driver and said "Na 'MEND' do am o, no be me", laughing as he blabbed all the way.

I was having fun with my silly self.
By the way, I forgot to tell you that the nurse that discharged me was in a showglass I saw in a fashion shop  when I sneaked out of the hospital. She looked elegant and sassy in a stiff pose as she stared at me.

"Mr Okafor, wait!!!", I heard a loud scream behind me as I saw a man dressed in white overall with a stethoscope and the real-life version of the nurse running towards my direction.
Wow! I never even knew the Lagos Half Marathon would start this early, so I took to my heels.
"Na me go carry first!", I screamed back at them as I ran with speed and alacrity with one shoe on my left leg and a slipper on the right.
"Please Stoooppp, you haven't been discharged!", they kept yelling.
Hahahahahaha, they want to deceive me from my medal. I'm smarter than that. Fashola won the marathon last time and I'm not going to let that happen again.

I ran as fast as I could, while my other opponents kept yelling behind me.

Then all of a sudden, I remembered Patrick. How could I do this to him? We quarelled a lot but I shouldn't have left him without telling him about the race. Then I stopped...Looked at the sky...looked down and turned back.
My opponents also stopped abruptly as if they were amazed at something I couldn't figure out.
Patrick was all that was on my mind and I was determined to go back to get him.

"Mr Okafor please calm down, we are here to help you", both of them said.
I could only care less so I started running towards them. They ran for their lives! screaming "WERE!" which I got to know means madman in English.
Hahahaha...this global warming issue has to be tackled I thought, as I ran with speed to fetch my one and only friend, Patrick.

<< Back to previous post (Patrick Part 1)


Monday, October 18, 2010


This nite, it seemed all the mosquitoes seemed to want to say something to me but I just remained insensitive to their annoying buzzing sound. I was now wide awake as I looked at the snoring fellow beside me in the tiny room we slept. Patrick was just a lazy pant as far as I was concerned but he seemed to have a way with people especially when it concerned matters of politics. His views were stupidly absurd.

A week ago, the idiot organized a garageful of touts and  convinced them that Obama needed to be removed from office. They chanted solidarity as I also foolishly joined them, doing the famous Gandhi walk on Lagos-Ibadan expressway and chanting "No more Obama!". Now it has landed us where we are.
Now come down to football, he was just extreme and lousy. The other day he bought this jersey with 'C.Ronado Lomo' written on it and argued that Man.U was considering using it next season.Anyway his fellow idiots countered him saying it was actually Man City and that Man City was the city where the all Man.United players came from.

Had I known I should have stood my ground the previous nite as we argued all through cuz I was 100% sure it was Beyonce that proposed to Aki and Pawpaw and not Genevieve. I'm sure you didn't even know that. I stared at Patrick in the face and shouted him down saying "Beyonceee!!!".

I stared at Patrick again wondering what to do with him. I just felt like giving him a dirty heavy slap on the chest for winning the argument last nite. Both of us had formed a bond since the past week and though my bed was small, I was glad to share it with him.

Call me partial but I feel I would pick IBB as my running mate for Councillorship next month. That Obama guy is not up to the task.
What am I even saying?
The name written beside my bed reads Clifford Okafor but I know my name at least, the name's James...James Bond.

I was still wondering why they strapped me to this bed and why the psychiatric nurse refused my kind food offer when I pointed my Dunlop slippers towards her and asked with a serious look, "You go chop?".
I also wonder why she kept reminding me that Patrick was my pillow.
I demand a rent and I seriously can't put up with this guy any longer. He gets to change shirts everyday and always customized ones with 'Ajangbadi Psychiatric Home' written on it. That's just unfair!
All I know is this civil war has to end quick and I wonder why that mosquito keeps staring at me.

@ moi frequency...Watch out for Patrick Part 2 (Hospital Break)
Have a great day...Enjoy!


Thursday, October 14, 2010

Proverbs Parody

A collection of seriously funny proverbs...

No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

Crowded elevator smells different to midgets

Judge not a man by his clothes, but by his wife's clothes.
- Thomas R. Dewar

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
- Will Rogers

Having children is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.
- Martin Mull

You cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
- Author Unknown

It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.
- Robert Benchley

If they could figure out a way to channel my anger, they could solve the energy crisis.
- Woody Allen

A conclusion is simply the place where someone got tired of thinking.

The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because generally they are the same people.
- Gilbert Chesterton

The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it. (I love this one)

Now check out this Yoruba proverb:
Bí abá so òkò sójà ará ilé eni ní bá;

* Translation: He who throws a stone in the market will hit his relative
(Trust me, if he aims really well, it won't)

Wishing you a nyce day! @ moi frequency *wink*

Tuesday, October 12, 2010


Got this hilarious mail from a friend...On a Tuesday morning...sure laughed all the way thru and thought you should do the same too.
So Enjoy as u read...@ moi frequency *wink*

 Okay I removed some parts that didn't fit into the Humor section...
 A man is dying of Cancer.
 His son asked him, "Dad, why do u keep telling people
 u're dying of AIDS?"
& nbsp;Answer: "So when I'm dead no one will dare touch
  ur mom!"

 Three Feelings: 
 What's the difference between stress, tension and
 Stress is when wife is pregnant.
 Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant.
 Panic is when both are pregnant.

 Chinese Adam & Eve:
 If Adam and Eve were Chinese, we would still be in paradise

 because they would have ignored the apple and eaten the
 Laugh small:

 Three  pastors were discussing, one said his problem is stealing, he can not stop stealing from the church’s money and if his church members  find out, it would be disastrous. The second pastor said his  own problem is adultery, he had slept with almost every woman in the church both married and unmarried. His church members must not find out. The third pastor said his problem
 is that he can not do without gossiping, and everybody must  know what he just found out. He then excused himself and  immediately the other two pastors fainted.

To surprise her husband an executive’s wife decided o stop by his office. On
 entering the office, she saw the secretary on her husband’s laps. In order to defend himself the husband  said  “budget cut or no budget cut, management must do  something. I and my secretary cannot be sharing this office with just a single seat

 Dad asked his son: whenever I beat you how do you stop your anger?
 Son replies: I start cleaning the toilet.
 Dad asked: How does that help you?
 Son: I clean it with your tooth brush.

 Three guys were gisting at a beer parlour. The first guy said when my wife was pregnant she was reading a book; a  tale of two cities and she gave birth to twins. The second said his wife was reading the three musketeers and she gave  birth to triplets. The third guy dropped his beer bottle and started running home. Concerned, his friends gave chase. When they got to his house they saw
 him burning a book and they asked why. He said his wife was reading Ali Baba and the forty thieves and she is  pregnant……not in this house ……it n not happen!
 One day, a man was sitting in his office on the 19th  floor of a building when a man came running in to his office and shouted, “John, your daughter, Anna just died in accident right opposite this building”. The gentleman was in panic. Not knowing what  to do, he  jumped out through his office window. While coming down,  when he was near the 14th floor, he remembered he does not  have a daughter named Anna. When he was near the 7th floor,  he remembered he was not married yet. When he was about to  hit the ground, he remembered he was not John!
This is what stress does. Take things easy and relax as much as you can. It is not all about work! Work! Work! Work.
Have a great day!